Amritsar Darshan:
I am in Amritsar with my parents and my sister. We have come to the Golden Temple for darshan as it’s one of our holy places . My dad underwent two surgeries in the last six months and it was his wish to visit the Golden Temple with his daughters. My mom had also undergone a surgery; my sister doesn’t keep too well and she irritated the hell out of me. As the elder daughter, I am responsible for their wellbeing and that parents are comfortable, resting adequately etc…
Am I Conscious Or Unconscious? :
I have always taken responsibility, but unconsciously; and in the process, suppressed myself. I have been working on myself and doing the Aham Brahamasami workshop made me understand conscious living and becoming aware of my thoughts and feelings.
At one point while visiting the temple, I was so full of anxiety and overwhelm, that my whole body reacted and the accompanying unease was unbearable. My mind was going crazy… I realized, I needed time out. Coming to such a peaceful place and not being able to feel the peace, was something not acceptable to me. I told my parents I just want to sit in the corner of the temple for sometime, undisturbed. They went for the holy dip in the water, and I told my God, we are here; you take care of them while I connect to you.
Connecting To The Field:
I went there, scanned my body, and spoke to the field… to my God (Isht Dev). I don’t know anything, this is what I am feeling and this is what’s happening in my body… please guide me.
As I sat there, tears started to flow. For the first time, I allowed myself to cry in a public place, with my sunglasses on (looking back now, I laugh about it). My body started to relax and the message I got was, whatever you are doing, do it with love and let me guide you. I sat there peace flowing in my body .
After sometime I got up, renewed in my mind, body and spirit. And now, whatever I am doing, I try and remember that and do it with love.
I Am The Whole:
My body was at peace, so was my mind. When I reached the hotel room, I sat down, recalled the events at the Golden Temple, and opened the pdf of the book Be A Cosmic Channel. And my eyes went to the heading: ‘Is Life Complicated or Simple?’
In that moment, I realised, life is what you make of it, that it’s all in me… how I perceive a certain situation/ person and how I respond or react to it. The unease, the peace, the overwhelm, the love, the hate… it’s all in me, in my body. Becoming present to what’s in me, observing it in a neutral way, surrendering it to the field / God , will help me break free from the patterns.
After this realisation hit me… I am trying and responding to every situation/ person consciously. The remaining trip was stressful, but I can say I handled it in a better manner. This trip and the book has helped me so much.
Total gratitude to Shivo and Mansi
